Monday, February 3, 2014

Week 21 - "him"

I'm sure you have all heard of the new, perverted movie "her". Apparently some dude falls in love with the operating system on his new computer. Well that's disgusting and pretty far fetched. If you prefer a real love story that would make even the coldest heart melt, let me introduce you to "him".
Set in Wickliffe, slightly in the future, "him" follows Ryan, a handsome, soulful man who makes his living writing weekly bowling recaps. Heartbroken after the end of a long relationship, he becomes intrigued with a new, advanced bowling ball which promises to find the pocket and bring more strikes. Upon initiating it(which means having intercourse with the thumb hole)he is delighted to meet "Llama," a bright, manly ball, who is insightful, sensitive and surprisingly funny. As his needs and desires grow, in tandem with his own, their friendship deepens into an eventual love for each other(It certainly helped that the ball, like any good woman, has 3 inputs). From the unique perspective of Oscar-nominated filmmaker Brick comes an original love story that explores the evolving nature—and the risks—of intimacy in the modern world.

As for how our team bowled this week I think we might have been better off actually producing this movie then bowling. Tom was off cruising with his family while the rest of us tried to resurrect this season. Unfortunately we did not have much success. 

I bowled well as usual but the other 3 struggled. Andy and Kevin both wore the skirt with a 145 and 138 respectively. Brick had a nice 238 in game 3. I had a 588 series witch was good enough for back to back bowler of the week!!! On the night we went 2-5 and the struggles continue in Llamaland. But with my new sex toy errrr bowling ball I look to help bring the Llama Chasers to the promised land!!

Here is the movie poster from the other movie...

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Thursday, January 23, 2014

Weeks 11-20 - Let us pray...

Let us pray  Llama Chaser Nation, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in Him, the Dalai Llama.

Almighty Llama, we give great thanks to You that You have made people of all bowling alleys to be fellow heirs, members of the same body and partakers of the promise in Llama Chasing through the Gospel. Endow bowlers with every good gift as they labor in alleys far from home. Bless Your people with lips that are quick to sing (mmmmbbbaaahhhhh)Your praise and provide support for the proclamation of Your Word in all bowling alleys. Llama, in Your mercy, hear our prayer.

As I sit at my llama shrine each week and pray for an "above average" week I often find myself questioning my faith in the llama. I ask "Why do we sacrifice so much but always end up in the last place." I'm still waiting for a damn answer.

Obviously it has been a while since I have written a post but you can simply go back through the past years and get the drift of how our season has gone. We have bowled some good games and some bad ones, we've slayed some turkeys and chased some llamas, and as you might have guessed we finished in last place in the first half again.

Tom sucked last year and we finished in the last place, Tom is bowling great this year and we finished in last place. All I can ask is WTF?

So far in the second half we have gone 5-2, 2-5, 2-5. So this story seems to be on repeat again.

Pray with me...

Our Llama which art in Wickliffe,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy strikes will come.
Thy will be done in earth,
as it is in Llama Land.
Give us this day our daily beer.
And forgive us our opens,
as we forgive those
who strike against us.
And lead us not into losing,
and deliver us from last place.

Repeat 10 times daily and my guess is that 2014 will finally f*cking be THE YEAR OF THE LLAMA!!!!!

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Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Week 10 - The Ugly Llama Chaser

Everyone knows the story of "The Ugly Duckling"...The story tells of a homely little bird born in a barnyard who suffers abuse from the others around him until, much to his delight (and to the surprise of others), he matures into a beautiful swan, the most beautiful bird of all.
Few know of the story of "The Ugly Llama Chaser". This story tells of a homely little boy named Tom, born in South Euclid, Ohio who suffers abuse from other bowlers. This homely little boy bowled as if he was blind and crippled. People would look and laugh at him as missed head pin after head pin and would leave open after open. He would often wear a skirt to try and disguise himself. But nothing could disguise his horrendous bowling week after week, and him bowling under 400 and never once bowling a 600 series. Well much to his delight (and to the surprise of others), he matured into an excellent bowler, not best of all, but pretty solid. He is now averaging a 600 series over the first 10 weeks. My guess is he practiced all summer even though he says he didn't pick up a ball once. Whatever happened I don't care, I am just glad he learned how to bowl again.

Speaking of Tom, he had quite a week. In the first game he started with a Llama, then had a spare, then a Mega-Llama, then a 7 which totalled an amazing 275. Game 2 he added a 210, and then closed out the 3rd game with a 197 for a 682 series.

Brick had another sold night on the lanes posting a 214, 212, 226 - 652 series. He amazingly did not record any Llamas on the night and only 1 turkey.

I was over average in all 3 games with a 211, 187, 212 - 610 series. I allowed Geppetto to fly twice as I rolled 2 Super Llamas.

Kevin was awful with a 179, 139, 201 - 519 series. That 139 did allow us to see his beautiful ass in the skirt which is always a treat.

Andy continued to mope with a 167, 204, 184 - 555 series. Andy started off the season as maybe our best bowler. Then, for some dumb ass reason, he decided to change his bowling ball around week 4. Since then he has bowled bad and moped around. One would think maybe he would go back to the original ball but nope.

The Llama Chaser went 3-4 on the night as our struggles continued. At least our "ugly Llama" has blossomed into a bowler that we are no longer embarassed by.

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Thursday, October 31, 2013

Weeks 2 -9 - Ryan Sucks

                   llama.jpg (261×171)

You are special to me...Llama Chaser Nation... I am sorry for my lack of dedication to you. After all there is 2 or 3 of you that read my recaps on a weekly basis and I have failed you. I could sit hear and give you all the excuses in the world but I care about you too much to do that. So again, I'm sorry. Now let me give you a crappy little recap of weeks 2-9 so starting week 10 I can start with a clean slate and give you some kick ass sh!t.

Tom - Has bowled very swell. No 600 series last year(embarrassing) and is just about averaging 600 this year.

Andy - Started really good but now he blows

Kevin - Started good but now he blows but not as bad as Andy

Brick - Does what he does and does it well.

Ryan - Has pretty much sucked all season

The Team - Started 14-0 (I think), then 26-9, then ran into a tough 2 week stretch and lost 14 points in a row, and now we are like 34-29. In maybe the most important news we also now have a Mama Llama. She works with Andy and is the mother of another bowler in our league. Like most MILF's she took an instant liking to the Llama Chasers and does her best to keep us bowling our best. She used to(or maybe still does) bowl, so she is quick to offer advice on the lanes and she gives helpful hints at the table. The best piece of advice she has given in my opinion is when she told Andy to simply "Shut the f*ck up." I'm sure you will be hearing more about Mama Llama in the coming weeks.

How's that for a recap!!!!

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