Saturday, October 8, 2011

Week 6 - Pretty Woman

Each year Llama Chaser Nations wonders who will be the first in the skirt and as you can see from the picture this year it is the sexiest Llama Chaser Ryan.(Ryan has won the sexiest Llama Chaser Award 10 years straight in the year end poll run by

I'm not sure if I ever shared the story of how Ryan came to be a Llama Chaser so I will take this opportunity with me in the skirt to tell you.

Back in 2000 Tom, Brick, Kevin and Brian, a successful bowling team, take a detour on Euclid Avenue to ask for directions. Receiving little help, they encounters a beautiful prostitute named Ryan who is willing to assist them in getting to their destination.
The morning after, the Llama Chasers hire Ryan to stay with them for a week as an escort for social events. Ryan advises them that it "will cost them," and they agree to give him $3,000 and access to the Llama Chaser corporate account, also known as the kitty. Ryan then goes shopping at Beachwood Mall, only to be snubbed by saleswoman who disdains him because of his immodest clothing. Initially, hotel manager Grover is also somewhat taken aback. But he relents and decides to help him buy a skirt, even coaching him on bowling etiquette. The Llama Chasers return and are visibly amazed by Ryan's transformation. The bowling banquet does not end well, the Llama Chasers making clear their intention to dismantle the Shorehaven Men's league once it was bought, close down the league which Moose spent 40 years building, and sell the league and put a llama farm in its place. Moose and his entourage, including Perry and Ray, leave angrily, and the Llama Chasers remain preoccupied with the deal afterward. The next morning, Ryan tells the Llama Chasers about the snubbing that took place the day before. The Llama Chasers take Ryan on a shopping spree. Ryan returns to the same shop that had snubbed him, telling the salesgirls they had made a big mistake. They the go to a different store and buy Ryan a beatiful pink skirt, a nice blue and yellow skirt, and an absolutely adorabe black skirt with a red bow.
The following day, the Llama Chasers take Ryan to a cock fighting match where they are interested in networking for his business deal. While Ryan chats with Moose, Ray wonders if he is a spy. The Llama Chasers re-assure him by telling him how they met, and Ray, Moose's right hand man, then approaches Ryan and offers to hire him once he is finished with the Llama Chasers, inadvertently insulting him. When they return to the hotel, Ryan is furious with the Llama Chasers for telling Ray about him. He plans to leave, but they apologize and persuades him to see out the week. The Llama Chasers leave work early the next day and take a breath-taking Ryan on a date to the South Euclid Cafe in Brick's truck. He is clearly moved by them on the date when Jessica Simpsons "I Wanna Love You Forever" comes on the juke box. While playing Keno with Llama Chasers after returning, Ryan convinces them to take the next day off. They spend the entire day together, and then make love, in a personal rather than professional way. Just before he falls asleep, Ryan admits that he's in love with the Llama Chasers. Over breakfast, the Llama Chasers offer to put Ryan up in an apartment so they can continue seeing him. He feels insulted and says this is not the "fairy tale" he wants. They then go off to bowl without resolving the situation. Ryan's friend, Geppetto, comes to the hotel and realizes that Ryan is in love with the Llama Chasers.
The Llama Chasers meet with Moose, about to close the deal, and they change their mind at the last minute. Their time with Ryan has shown them another way of living and bowling, taking time off and enjoying chasing llamas for which they initially had little time. As a result, their strong interest building a llama farm is put aside. They decides that they would rather help Moose than take over his company. Furious, Ray goes to the hotel to confront the Llama Chasers, but only finds Ryan there. He blames him for changing the Llama Chasers and tries to rape him. The Llama Chasers arrive in time to stop Ray, angrily ordering him to leave the hotel room but only after they first raped him.
The Llama Chasers tend to Ryan and try to convince him to stay with them because he wants to, not because they are paying him. He refuses once again and returns to the apartment he shares with Geppetto, preparing to leave for Tri-C to earn a G.E.D. in the hopes of a better life. The Llama Chasers get into Brick's truck. Instead of going to the airport, they go to Ryan's apartment. They climb up the fire escape, despite their fear of heights, with a rose clutched between their teeth, to woo him.
Their leaping from Brick's truck, and then climbing the outside ladder and steps, is a visual urban metaphor for the knight on white llama rescuing the "princess" from the tower, a childhood fantasy Ryan told them about. The story ends as the 5 of them kiss on the fire escape.

So that is how it all began and here we are 10 years later and yes, we are still madly in love.

As you wipe the tears from your eyes I will give you a quick recap on the night. We won the first game with everyone bowling over average! Brick and Tom led the way with a 237 and 217, respectively. The second game is the reason I was able to share my "Pretty Woman" story with you. I needed a mark in the 10th frame to avoid the skirt and didn't get it done, to make matters even worse had I gotten a spare then a strike we would have won game 2, but intstead lost. Brandon had a solid 201 in game 2. Game 3 started with several excited bowling teams drooling as I rolled my first ball in the skirt. You would think they'd never seen a hunk in a skirt. Distracted by being sexually harrassed I struggled to a 147 but Tom's 228 helped push the team to victory. On the night we went 5-2 and are now 19-23 on the season.

As always you can find us on Facebook or on Twitter and please sign the Guest Book.

No comments:

Post a Comment